our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
