She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
