It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
