I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
