I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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