I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
