She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
