youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
