I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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