yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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