Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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