i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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