Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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