I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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