whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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