do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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