Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
