I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I got chris browned last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
