put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
