I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
