you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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