One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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