bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
