I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
