Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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