woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
