My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
