We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
