You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
