On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
