If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
