ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I believe in your delicious
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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