This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you will always have a special place in my vag
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
