With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
