I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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