I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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