i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
