I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
