Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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