just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My vagina just recognized that song.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
