Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
