Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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