Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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