You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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