You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
