i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
