is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
