ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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