You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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