Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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