one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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