this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are the jesus of drinking
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
