the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
