You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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