worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
