hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
