My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
