the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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