my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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