I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
