I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
