If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
