JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
