Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
