Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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