We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
