How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
