just come out here and I will go home with you...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
