She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
